dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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