Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need moral support for this bender
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
