My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
