Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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