she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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