you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Barsexuality is the new black.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
