I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
