I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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