I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
