Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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