Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ladies don't puke and tell
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
