are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
