i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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