I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wish my penis had a tongue
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
