dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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