i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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