my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
