I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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