i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
