Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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