$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think your dad took our porno
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need water and some morals
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
