I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
