he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sex in a hospital.. check
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
