I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize