I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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