the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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