found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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