is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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