I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize