I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
