I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
