her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize