Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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