Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
