I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
