i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
