plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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