Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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