I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
