Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
