Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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