I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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