I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
