Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
