Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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