So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I party with great urgency now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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