He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
