Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
