i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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