Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My dick has a subreddit
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
