I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
