Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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