I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
