she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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