there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
