If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
