Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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