I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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