He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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