My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
