He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
