sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
