Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
