Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
