you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Randomize
