Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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